I Hope That They Burn
by darthlaurens
Summary: Right before Phillip Hamilton's birthday, Alexander tells Eliza a secret which will change their relationship forever.


"My dearest, Angelica," He stared at the page, quill in hand, and wondered what he would write next. This never happened, the words would flow from his mind and to the paper like streams of water, yet something seemed to make the task more difficult. Hamilton looked out of the window, watching the snow fall slowly on the window pane. Just five years ago he was living in Nevis, working in the trading company with the faint thought of his mother and cousin in his head. Why didn't I die? he thought. He had lived through the hurricane, his illness, the ship that caught on fire. Remembering these thoughts, his past, Hamilton started to write,

"I pray that thee will remember that evening when I met you that winter of 1780. Your eyes sparkled like an amber sunset, matching thy rose-coloured dress, and your gay smile as I fell on the table drunk, seemed to make me sober again. My dearest, Angelica, that evening, it made me wonder who I really was. Was I just the poor intellectual from Nevis? Was I the bastard whore-son that Jefferson thinks I am? I keep on writing, until nothing seems real or make sense, Angelica, how do you see me? When I saw you arrive with Peggy and Eliza, something about you seemed to draw me to you. Maybe I noticed your intelligence and wittiness when you came to New York. Yet when I realized that I could not marry you, a sudden sadness crept over me. Why do we have to stick to these social stratifications that make us "proper" ladies and gentlemen? Angelica, I hope that you appreciate my longing for those days when we were carefree youths looking for love. How is Peggy doing in Albany? I heard that she had married a Mr Stephen Van Rensselaer, quite wealthy and old and has a thin pointy nose like the beak of some exotic bird. I also heard that Peggy loves him very much, and is pregnant with her own child. Good on her. Eliza is doing well, yet she misses my company since I am so busy writing for Congress. She wishes that you would come soon to celebrate my son Philip's ninth birthday. God bless You Dear Sister and make you happy as I wish you.

A. Ham."

He finished writing the letter and sealed it. Angelica was his first love and his first heartbreak. Why did she have to marry rich and not love? Hamilton was satisfied with Eliza, yet he wondered how life might have been like if he would have married Angelica. Phillip ran over to Hamilton's desk, and excitedly asked,

"Pa! Mother said that I could go to the sweets shop if I could study one hour more of law with you. Can we just pretend to study and talk about random things pleeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssseeeeeeee?"

"Okay Phillip, but close the door so that your mother does not hear. This is the only time I am doing this since it is the day before your birthday, but remember that I have to be a little responsible too."

"Pa, what do you want to talk about?"

Hamilton thought about what he would say to Phillip. He could not talk about the cabinet meeting, he had just called John Adams a "fat mother fucksticks" and that is no thing to say to a nine year old child. Maybe he could tell him about aunt Peggy and her marriage, but Phillip already knew tons about her. She was what the children called the "Galoptious Aunt" since she would always give a couple pennies to the children so they could buy biscuits and candied almonds. Once, she gave some shillings to Aaron Burr since he was visiting, and he bought a coconut in a case "like an ass." Finally, after a moment of thought, Hamilton began,

"Phillip, how is school going?"

"Good, I guess. Mr Abshire paddled Johnny Bixby because he had placed a sign on his back saying lick me I'm Scottish and a gullible little boy called Sumter licked him in the face like a dog. It was quite a scene, but Mr Abshire forbade us from carrying wax in our pockets for the rest of the year."

"Well, is Mr. Abshire a good man?"

"He is not the best person, always yelling at us and thinking that we are stupid brutes. But Pa, I am smart, I am well mannered, I am eloquent. I am the only person that Mr. Abshire likes, and that is a miracle. The older boys always say that Mr. Abshire has never liked anyone in his 60 years of teaching."

"That's good son, but what Johnny did was absolutely h…"

Phillip was terrified. His father had never said anything bad about his friends or classmates. He knew that he was extremely vocal, and expressed his feelings with no shame, so he maybe would agree with his thoughts on Johnny Bixby's antics.

Hamilton whispered in Phillip's ear, "Do not tell Eliza I said that, but what Johnny did was absolutely hilarious." Both father and son started laughing until they teared up, and suddenly stopped when they heard some footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Alexander, are you teaching our child law?"

"Uh.. of course honey. Phillip, concentrate!"

"You sure Alex? I heard some violent laughter upstairs, and I am sure that the Constitution is not that entertaining."

"Well, the irony of all men are created equal is quite funny if you ask me. Jefferson should just stay in Monticcello and out of politics."

"ALEX! Your son is in the room!"

"Oh. Phillip, ignore everything I said to your mother. I think you have done enough studying today, and are allowed to get some sweets. Here, take these pennies and buy some biscuits or candied almonds, or something of the sort. Also, say hi to Mr. Mulligan if you see him in the streets. He usually is in the tailor's shop on 6th street. Phillip ran outside with his money, and Eliza put her shoulder on Hamilton.

"He's growing up so fast, isn't he."

"Well he has always looked the same since his fifth birthday… I'm so sorry Eliza, it's just that I have been so absorbed in the quill and parchment that I have forgotten everything else."

"Alexander, that is no excuse for ignoring your own care of him, be a good father. Remember your promise, that you will always be there for him."

"I promise Eliza, that I will take care of Phillip, but I also need to submit these papers. I am trying to compensate for the essays that John Jay could not write, but I.."

"Got sort of carried away." Eliza said. She saw the large stack of papers with the title page "The Federalist." It did not look like the 6 essays you were supposed to write, but I know you Alex. What happened to Laurens? You have not spoken about him ever since the War ended."

"He passed away during the war." Hamilton stopped to collect himself. Laurens was one of his best friends, and the only one who had time to talk to him, since Mulligan was too busy working in the tailor's shop and Lafayette was busy leading the French Revolution. "He told me something that I could only tell you after his death, but promise not to tell anyone."

"I promise Alex."

"I was gay."


End file.
